"choice", we knew there was no other option. To wait and see (which was what I wanted to do more than anything), would not have only risked my future fertility but also my life. That was not an experience that I was ready to relive. Physically this has been easy, too easy. Part of me wanted physical pain to match the way the rest of me felt.
I have spent the past week avoiding myself. I have talked about it, but every other moment I have had, I spent avoiding it. I have cleaned this place top to bottom and rearranged a couple of rooms. I know why I am doing this, but I also know I can only run for so long. Tomorrow I have work, which I am dreading. I have to come up with an explanation as to why I am not still in training and I am at the point that I don't want to avoid it or lie. If I did, the only people that I would be protecting is everyone else. So THEY don't have to be uncomfortable? I can't think of any other reason.
So, I take another step forward in this journey not knowing where it may lead. I hope peace comes soon to me and my wonderful husband.
FX for low betas on Tuesday and a plan next Monday.
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