How do downed in air?

I don't think anyone sees it coming.  That false sense of sanity and acceptance was something that I had faith in.  It made me believe that because I had a plan and an outlook for the future that it was all OK.  I have had bad moments and difficult days, but not the loss of stability I have been going through.  I have a hard time putting into words the chaos that I feel my life is in.  I feel like every time I breath in the weight of everything that has/is going on compresses my being.  The weight of it all makes me unable to keep breathing.
I wish that the loss of that little something was the only thing weighing on my mind.  I hate feeling like I have spent so much of my life in a perpetual downward slide.  Perpetual slide may be a bit of an over statement, but it feels like the moment you dig out you find that something else has buried you.  I can deal with my dysfunctional reproductive system, but that really should all I have to.  I know that is life.  There is no escaping it, but I find myself with the guilt that my husband horse is hitched to a wagon with square wheels.  He is the only thing that has been holding me together.  He does not have to, but he does.  Why does such a loving strong man want to spend eternity stuck with me?
My darling husband sat next to me while I had my little meltdown and was so calm and loving.  He cared without fully understanding the chaos I had engulfed myself in.  He made me realize that we always were going  to be stronger together than we are apart.  His faith in us gives me hope in our future.  While today me suck, there is always tomorrow.
Here is to tomorrow.

PS: More blood work tomorrow.   wohoo?