I have found support in the past in a place that I visit daily. I love the women there and I know that they all would understand where I am coming from, but I feel like I should not be there. I am not TTCAL or in the middle of my loss because it has not happened yet. I don't feel that I can graduate, because at any moment I will have to leave. I hate that I feel lost in a place that has been such a source of comfort and strength. What is strange is I am not sure anyone really has noticed I have been "gone".
The results of my last blood test has not brought us any comfort. It went from 4300 to 5300. This caused them to pull myself out of training for more blood tests and to meet with the on call OB. She wants me to have that d@mn shot. We agreed to give it one more day, but she will not let me wait to come in on Thursday when I have an ultrasound scheduled. I know that there is little to no hope that my betas will have doubled and that there is no other option at that point, but this is my last second Hail Mary.
I don't want to have to say goodbye to another LO. I am not sure I have it in me.
I just wanted you to know I did notice, and I've been praying for you every day. I wish there was something I could do- but for now, know that I'm sending you all of my good energy. Hang in there hon.
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MrsAtch
Thank you so much Atch (and Allie Jo) I think I am just wallowing a little bit right now. ~hugs~
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