Where has 6 months gone

In so many ways this last 6 months have flown by, but looking through the time in with my grief tinted glasses it seems like so much longer.  I had to say goodbye to my angel exactly 6 months ago.  For the life of me, I can't figure out where the time has gone.  I try to be greatful that I get to have my adoring husband to myself, but I feel so guilty that my husbands house is empty.  I try to fill everything in his life with joy, but in that aspect of our lives I have brought him nothing but grief.  I have found a way to live with my sadness for myself, but I don't think I will ever be able to stop feeling guilt over my lack of baby making awesomeness.
To make things worse, I made an appointment with my lady Dr and I have such a bad feeling that I will not be getting any good news.  I have been up since my honey went to work at 5.  5am!?!!?!?  I don't see that time of day for a reason.  I like my sleep.   Hmmm...We will see what happens.